the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
