dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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