WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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