I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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