if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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