Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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