At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
