I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
