How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
