WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
