my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
