I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
