batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
