so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
