There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
