she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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