her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
