The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if only i could text you this smell
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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