Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
