dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
