Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
