he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Congratulations! We have a period
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
