do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
