Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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