All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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