man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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