Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am one with the molecules
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
