Me too!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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