I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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