I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
