I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
