dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
