No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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