you traded sex for a burrito?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
