when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
