hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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