I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
