Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
