Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
