Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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