Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
