I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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