none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
