we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My penis needs a shock collar
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
