he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
