he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
