well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
