I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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