I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We're too hungover to prance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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