Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
