you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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