so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
