He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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