3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
