at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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