I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
